How to Hide a Corpse
by RossEStern
Summary: This is a script for a short film I want to make some day. It's about a guy who accidentally kills his best friend. Now with the help from his friend's ghost, he must hide the body.


Scene 1

Door opens

Andy walks through

Rube: Andy!

Andy: Rube!

Rube: awesome you could come over to my house for once

Andy: yeah, what movie did you want me to come over to see?

Rube: It's this cheesy movie called Glen or Glenda

Andy: what's it about?

Rube: transvestites

Andy: k…

Rube: Smells like crap in here. (Sprays air freshener, walks over to fridge) you want anything to drink while you watch it?

Andy: sure, what do you got?

Rube: (bumps refrigerator door into Andy's face, knocking him out) let's see, we got soda, juice, water… oh crap Andy!

Ghost Andy: (looking down at body) Rube, did you just killed me!?

Rube: I swear to God it was by accident! I don't even know how that happened, or how the hell I can see and hear you!

Ghost Andy: We're probably just seeing this from the air freshener.

Rube: Yeah, probably, lets go watch Glen or Glenda

CUT TO THEM SITTING AROUND ON THE COUCH

Bella Lugosi (from tv): "Pull the string! Pull the string! The mistakes made… A story must be told."

Rube: (chuckles)

Ghost Andy: hey, I'm starting to think we're not high; we should probably hide the evidence just to be safe.

Rube: Why? I'll just say it was a mistake.

Ghost Andy: the police won't believe that

Rube: okay but it has to be somewhere nobody would look

Scene 2

CUT TO RUBE PUTTING ANDY UNDER A BLANKET ON A BED

Rube: there, that works

Ghost Andy: no, no it doesn't.

CUT TO BACK YARD

Rube: digging takes too damn long!

Ghost Andy: It's not like in the movies

They walk back inside to the kitchen

(Rube lights match)

Ghost Andy: Are you sure it's a good idea to set fire to me in the house?

Rube: Yeah why (interrupted by doorbell)

(Both walk over to door)

Scene 3

Rube: why hello officer, what seems to be the problem?

Cop: I heard about some suspicious behavior in your backyard, you wouldn't happen to be up to anything would you?

Ghost Andy: Tell him you don't know what he's talking about.

Rube: I have no clue what you're talking about.

Cop: Your neighbor told me you were trying to dig a large hole, she thinks you're up to something

Ghost Andy: Make up something that doesn't sound like a lie!

Rube: Well, I'm trying to save money on the water bill so instead of using a toilet I just dig a hole in the ground.

Cop: That's gross and I'm just going to let you go back to whatever you were doing.

Rube: Okay, have a great day!

Scene 4

Ghost Andy: So what the hell are we going to do with this?

Rube: I really don't know. We're too lazy for digging, fire could set things on fire and even if we try to hide your corpse it will get found.

Ghost Andy: And I'm still on Earth and judging by the cop, not many people can see me.

Rube: we need to look this up

CUT TO STUDY

Rube: (points at computer screen) here's the address to a medium near us.

Ghost Andy: should we bring the body?

Rube: uhh...

Scene 5

CUT TO LONG SHOT OF SIDEWALK

Rube is pulling a wagon with Andy in it with Ghost Andy following behind, they walk inside the house

Vincent: welcome to sanctuary! You must be the one who recently lost a loved one!

Rube: Woh! How did you know!

Vincent: I just do

Ghost Andy (mumbling): everyone who comes here has lost a loved one genius

Rube: what was that?

Vincent: I didn't say anything...

Rube: never mind

Vincent: come now, to my table of mystery!

Rube: WOW

They all sit down

Rube: so I lost my friend and

Vincent: sh-sh-sh all will be answered soon. Now, put you hands on mine. I am sensing a spirit somewhere in this room

Rube: yeah, yeah!

Vincent: was he a friend of yours?

Rube: YES! How do you know this?

Vincent: I'm feeling a name with an 'R'

Rube: Rube! That's my name!

Vincent: I also sense a 'C'... also an 'A'...

Rube: Andy!

Vincent: has your friend Andy passed?

Ghost Andy: I don't know, did he?

Rube: yes!

Vincent: Okay, that will be $50

Rube: you didn't do anything

Vincent: oh yes I did, I sensed Andy's presence!

Rube: you can't see ghost can you?

Vincent: no... But who can?

Rube: I can.

Vincent: okay, ask Andy to look behind my back and tell you how many fingers I'm holding up

Andy walks behind him

Andy: 6

Rube: 6

Vincent: no way!

Scene 6

They walk in front of the building

Rube: see, me and Andy are trying to hide his body and send his soul to the heavens or some crap like that

Vincent: do you... Kill him?

Rube: by accident...

Vincent: I'm gonna call the police!

Ghost Andy: he deserves to go to jail for robbing people of their money!

Rube: we'll report you for false advertising!

Vincent: Okay, okay! I'll help you out. I read that a ghost can't move on if he has unfinished business. That's probably why he's stuck here!

Ghost Andy: maybe we need to get rid of my corpse or else I'm stuck with nobody but you to talk to.

Rube: what do you have against me?

Ghost Andy: no... You're my best friend. But, I mean, who in the hell likes Glen or Glenda!

(Shot from point of Vincent where he can't hear or see Andy)

Rube: hey! Ed Wood was an innovator! Do you know how fast he could shoot an entire film?... No that's just gross! Okay, maybe if he was wearing a bra... NEVER MIND

Vincent: I'm starting to feel like a third wheel here.

Rube: oh sorry. We have all the information we need, bye!

Scene 7

Ghost Andy: Wouldn't it be cool if we disposed of the body in the most ridiculous way, like launching it into outer space or something!

Rube: Wait, that's genius!

Ghost Andy: no, I was just joking

Rube: but no one would know about it being there!

Ghost Andy: where will we even get the kind of money to do that?

Rube: I don't know, how can we get a ton of money fast?

Ghost Andy: we'll hit the lottery!

Scene 8

CUT TO THEM IN FRONT OF THE CONVENIENCE STORE

Rube scratches ticket

Ghost Andy: Oh

CUT TO RUBEN'S ROOM

Rube: Okay Andy, I put up an ad on craig's list for people to help us out.

Ghost Andy: Okay, let me read it

_I accidentally killed my best friend and then he came to me in spirit to help me hide his corpse. We decided to launch him into space! Is anyone willing to bring a corpse along on the nearest free trip to space? _

Ghost Andy: dude, no sane person would respond to this!

Rube: Hey look an email!

_Yeah sure, sounds fun. I make full sized rocket ships in my garage that are designed to carry one passenger. I could really use a test subject! _

Ghost Andy: I don't know... this looks pretty sketchy...

Rube: Shut up and grow some balls man.

Scene 9

(At location)

Rube: Well, this is the address he or she sent us!

Vincent: Oh hey...

Ghost Andy: him again!

Rube: You better not be trying to scam us into giving you money again!

Vincent: Okay! Just hear me out! This is an actual hobby of mine and I am in desperate need for a test dummy that is just like the real thing for proper experimentation. I saw your ad and decided to meet up with you again.

Ghost Andy: how much will this cost?

Rube: How much will this cost?

Vincent: Oh... you won't have to pay in money...

Rube: then what?

Vincent: Well, incase this does not work out right, I'm going to need another body for the next ship.

Rube: So if Andy's rotting body reacts in a weird way I have to pay for another one?

Vincent: Exactly.

Ghost Andy: So how would he pay for another one?

Rube: yeah, how would I pay for another one?

Vincent: oh it's easy, I just need YOUR LIFE! (pulls out knife)

Ghost Andy: Aw crap Rube! I think he's for real!

Vincent: (Insane laugh)

Rube: I'll pay afterward!

Vincent: Fair enough. Let's get Andy to the ship, shall we.

(They both follow Vincent)

Ghost Andy: What if it doesn't turn right! What will happen to you!

Rube: I have a good feeling we'll both survive

Scene 10

Vincent: Now, there's the vessel. Toss him in.

Rube drags Andy off screen to the left and leaves him there, then walks back

Ghost Andy: Lets just hope that door does not break open

Rube: Aw crap, I never thought about the door! Vincent, did you think about securing the door

Vincent: Well, only a little, but there is no better time for testing it out! Now stand back!

They are all standing by the launch button

Vincent: It should take about half an hour for it to escape the Earth's atmosphere. (pause) 10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...(jump cut closer to Vincent's face every 3 numbers)

Rube, Andy, and Vincent all tilt their heads up as they watch the rocket fly into the air

Vincent: Success!

Ghost Andy: I feel as if I am finally at rest. Nothing at all is bothering me in the least. No need to worry. You're my best friend and you're worth waiting for to see again! I think its finally my time, goodbye!

Rube: You to! I guess I'll see you up there (points up)

Cut to shot of Ruben's face of sadness/happiness looking up to the sky and pan upward to the sky. Tiny explosion in the sky.

Scene 11

Vincent: NO! NOW YOU MUST PAY! (runs toward Rube with a knife)

Rube: WAIT! IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE (suddenly silenced)

Tilt down from face to knife in chest. Rube falls to the ground. Ghost Rube stands up.

Ghost Rube: (looks down at his own corpse) It can't be...

A dark pitt opens up in the ground.

Satan: Ruben, you belong in hell!

Ghost Rube: But I'm Jewish and don't even believe in hell. Also, I died right after doing the best deed i could possibly do for my friend.

Satan: I don't give a crap! Your friend deserved a proper burial and you refused to turn yourself in for murder!

Ghost Rube: but it was an accident!

Satan: SHUT UP YOU'RE GOING TO HELL!

Ghost Rube: aw man...


End file.
